sometimes, it's really really really really really really really really really really really really really hard to make myself get out of bed and go to class. it's not because i don't like vet school or because i don't want to be a vet. it's because vet school seems designed to crush your spirit. quiz test quiz test test quiz - day in day out. there is never a moment when you can really heave a sigh and feel relieved that something is finished. the minute one test is over, it's time to start serious prep for another. it feels like being hit repeatedly with a giant mental sledgehammer. there is no reprieve. and there's really no sense in even complaining about it - because what does complaining accomplish? i've seen so many friends and acquaintances leaking tears this week...
yesterday was a bad day. i felt that if i spent one more second inside UT, i would lose it. and - of course - we had anatomy lab till 5p - and then clean up crew. i tried so hard to get out of the mental funk, but by the time 2p rolled around, i was shaking with the effort of not crying. it NEVER stops. the stress NEVER goes away. there isn't a single second where SCHOOL and STUDYING and PHYSIOLOGY, ANATOMY, EPIDEMIOLOGY - and my other 5 classes aren't lurking in the back of my mind - goading me - taunting me. yes, i realize that i am losing perspective. but it's very hard to keep perspective when you spend all day EVERY day in the same place, with the same people, doing the same things - lecture, lab, lunch, lab, lecture, test, lab lecture test lab ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
ok.
i'm going to have dinner with some friends. of course, we will study for our epidemiology midterm (tomorrow) over dinner. so it won't be a relaxing dinner. of course.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
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