Thursday, February 24, 2005

this is going to be a downer

sometimes, it's really really really really really really really really really really really really really hard to make myself get out of bed and go to class. it's not because i don't like vet school or because i don't want to be a vet. it's because vet school seems designed to crush your spirit. quiz test quiz test test quiz - day in day out. there is never a moment when you can really heave a sigh and feel relieved that something is finished. the minute one test is over, it's time to start serious prep for another. it feels like being hit repeatedly with a giant mental sledgehammer. there is no reprieve. and there's really no sense in even complaining about it - because what does complaining accomplish? i've seen so many friends and acquaintances leaking tears this week...
yesterday was a bad day. i felt that if i spent one more second inside UT, i would lose it. and - of course - we had anatomy lab till 5p - and then clean up crew. i tried so hard to get out of the mental funk, but by the time 2p rolled around, i was shaking with the effort of not crying. it NEVER stops. the stress NEVER goes away. there isn't a single second where SCHOOL and STUDYING and PHYSIOLOGY, ANATOMY, EPIDEMIOLOGY - and my other 5 classes aren't lurking in the back of my mind - goading me - taunting me. yes, i realize that i am losing perspective. but it's very hard to keep perspective when you spend all day EVERY day in the same place, with the same people, doing the same things - lecture, lab, lunch, lab, lecture, test, lab lecture test lab ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
ok.
i'm going to have dinner with some friends. of course, we will study for our epidemiology midterm (tomorrow) over dinner. so it won't be a relaxing dinner. of course.

No comments: