Tuesday, February 15, 2005

i'm getting personal (too much?)

i hate saying 'i'm depressed' - it sounds so absolutely trite. but i am. i don't feel well physically or mentally. it gets harder and harder to go to class. though my grades are still good. i feel like a terrible class president, as i skip more class than anybody - though i do still arrange all our events and make important class announcements. i'm not a total slacker. today was a good example though. i skipped my 8am class (epidemiology) because i tend to sleep in there anyway (as do the other 10 people that show up - if they aren't studying for another class), made it to my 9 and 10am. then i left and went to the library to nap through my 11am class and lunch. i set my phone alarm for 12:45, so that i would wake up in time for virology. i woke up at 1:21, realized i had set the clock for am - and cursed myself. i dragged myself to the 2oclock class - CCE - then home. so, out of 6 classes today - i made it to half. that's pretty bad. and i've been doing that A LOT lately. odd that it's not adversely affecting my grades. i'm doing better than last semester - when i NEVER skipped class. i have an A in anatomy. this time, last semester, i had a middling C. anyway, i came home and slept more. until 7ish, when J. brought dinner home for me. and now, i'm here - at the computer, typing out notes for our physiology repro exam (on thurs). i haven't studied enough for it - by any stretch - but i haven't made lower than a B on anything so far - so i feel okay about bombing this. i actually don't even care.

it's not just school that's dragging me down. i just feel hopeless about everything in general right now. alienated from the world. it happens periodically with me, though this one seems to be an unusually durable dark cloud. i'm sure everyone goes through these times, when they just want to sleep a lot, stay home, watch movies, and do nothing. vet school doesn't allow for that - although i'm doing a pretty good imitation of it. it's really a shame that i'm not even remotely excited about spring break. i could care less about that too - to be truthful. i don't even want to go to florida now, i just want to stay home. but i can't. sharon is depending on me for a ride down (jessica is flying out on saturday). speaking of jess, she's been supportive - trying to get me to go to dinner with her, offering a sympathetic ear. she's really sick, too. we had to cut our phone conversation short because she was coughing so awfully...and somehow - i don't have it yet. other than mind-numbing headaches periodically (every night this week) - i don't have the rest of it (coughing, sneezing, nose running).

i guess i'll stop whining now. i just wish i could get out of this funk. i love life too much to feel this bad - and yet - that doesn't help in the slightest. i still feel like utter and total doom and gloom.

conclusion of the day: it's good to have friends and family who will listen to you whine.

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