surgery setting...

well, after coming home and throwing my blood and urine-soaked drape, gown, and towels in the washer, doing numerous dishes, discussing my day with the hubby, giving epi her metacam, and changing clothes, i'm ready to blog about my exciting day.

surgery went GREAT. i wasn't nervous at all, but i had this twinge of uncertainty regarding my abilities - given that my last spay was so (to me) difficult. but everything went fanastically today. i was up at 6:30 and at the lab by 7:30. in short order, we had given pre-meds, catheterized our dog, induced him with thiopental (a powerful barbiturate), and tubed him. in fact, our group (myself, jess, and sharon) were the first into the surgery suite. i served as primary surgeon - which meant i got to make the opening incision and try the techniques first. it was quite different than doing a spay. when doing a spay, you try to make a small incision (usually about 1/2 an inch or less). everything you need to do can be done through that opening. with these biopsies, etc - we made an incision that spanned from just under the ribcage (at the xiphoid process) all the way down past the penis (we had a male dog, obviously). it was probably 9 inches or so. a huge opening. that went well. i had to ligate the preputial vein so that it didn't bleed when i sliced between it, but that went swimmingly - no hitches. it bled a little after i tied it with sutures, but i went back and re-ligated it a couple of times, and it was fine.

then it was time for the fun to start. we began with the liver biopsy - which requires reaching up into the ribcage and pulling the liver into the field of view. remarkably easy - although you obviously don't want to yank too hard (or you risk yanking a lobe loose). we used 2 methods to get liver tissue - a standard guillotine - where suture is looped around the tip of a liver, tied tightly to crush the tissue, and then the liver piece is removed with scissors or a scalpel. we also did a different method that involved tying 3 knots. that biopsy went beautifully and we moved on to the kidney. it was so much fun digging around in the dogs peritoneal cavity, fishing for a kidney! that biopsy was a bit harder, as something like a quarter of blood flow from the heart goes directly to the kidneys (thus, they bleed a great deal). my first biopsy was ugly! luckily i got to go back and try again in a different area of the kidney, and that one turned out well.

so yada yada yada. i got to to do the incisional gastropexy - which was REALLY cool. i'm not sure how good mine was - but i think i did a-ok for a first timer. it was incredibly neat to actually suture part of the stomach to the body wall. you wouldn't think the stomach would hold well to the wall, but it was surprisingly strong. jess did the cystotomy.

and ya'll saw the pictures s0 -- enough with the yakking...

surgery rising...

tomorrow morning i will attempt new (to me) surgeries. these include incisional liver, kidney, and intestinal biopsies, as well as a cystotomy (opening the bladder for removal of stones, etc) and an incisional gastropexy. incisional gastropexy is pretty cool. it's used prophylactically in large breed dogs that are predisposed to GDV. that stands for gastric dilatation and volvulus. it's a condition in which the stomach flips on its axis so that egress from the stomach (via the pylorus) is obstructed. food and fluid cannot pass into the digestive tract, so the stomach fills and fills until it ruptures. this is an idiopathic condition - in that no one is sure what causes it. only that it happens in large breed dogs with deep chests - like german shepherds and mastiffs. obviously when GDV occurs, it's an emergency scenario. often, in a dog with predisposition for this, a gastropexy will be performed at an early age to help prevent GDV. that's what we're doing tomorrow. a gastropexy is exactly what it sounds like - the stomach is pexied to the body wall to prevent rotation on the axis. it's a pretty nifty surgery, and there are many different approaches - muscular flap gastropexy, circumcostal gastropexy, tube gastropexy, etc etc. i'm excited to try my hand at doing one. i'm sure the results of my first aren't going to be pretty...but we'll see. the biopsies sound much more straightforward. as does the cystotomy... but then again, it's surgery -- so - as i said - we'll see. hopefully i'll have pics to post after tomorrow.

birdie trauma

it wasn't a particularly long or hellish week at school, but after 5 straight hours of lecture on friday afternoon, i was ready to come home and rest. it was not to be. i wasn't in the door 30 seconds when all birdie hell broke loose. jim had let epi (my conure) out of her cage and left titus (my grey) in his cage. when epi heard me come home, she hopped onto titus' cage (on her way to me) and stopped to pick a fight. the end result was lots of birdie screaming, as i flew into the room to break it up. titus bit her right over the nare (nostril). there was blood obscuring it, so i couldn't see how bad it was, and there was an obvious crack. epi was dyspnic and making hiccuping sounds as she breathed (swallowing blood, i'm sure). so i packed her into the car and rushed her back to school. luckily, it didn't appear that any permanent damage was done -- no beak fracture. still, she had to stay the night, in the oxygen cage - just in case. so i had to drive back home and get her happy hut (the little tent in which she sleeps). i couldn't leave her at school without her happy hut! i felt terrible leaving her there, but she did fine. and today she is back home, being bossy - as usual. she's been a bit quieter and sleepier than normal - but it's probably because she didn't sleep much at school.

what's really embarrassing? i looked at her chart while i was hanging around and waiting on dr souza. this is the 3rd time that epi has been to school for a titus related injury! i get a stern lecture from whichever doctor happens to be on call whenever i show up with birdie(s) in tow...

at least it wasn't my fault this time...

Daytrotter

daytrotter
i found a cool site for those of you with eclectic musical tastes and interest in obscure bands.

www.daytrotter.com

this - website or recording studio, whichever it is - hosts a band for a day or two. during those 2 days, these bands perform some of their old songs, some new songs, etc. these are recorded and posted on daytrotter.com. the songs are not 'fixed up' and studio-magicked to be all pretty and perfect. the recordings are very raw, most have an acoustic sound - i'd say all, but i haven't heard them all yet. at any rate, definitely check out bonnie prince billy and page france, if nothing else. also, elf power and jennifer o'connor are good.

miscellany

i would like to point out that i have posted 4 times in a row without mentioning school. and i actually discussed politics and foreign films (if only how much i cried during said film).

that's because this semester is so incredibly laid back compared to the previous five. perhaps because we enter clinics so soon. i don't know, but it's not nearly as bad. as i said, only 4 core classes - and 3 electives plus 1 class i'm semi-auditing (i dropped zoo med and picked up advanced imaging modalities (CT, MRI, and nuclear med) - whoo). the great news about this is that i'm going to get -- more than likely -- 2 published papers out of this semester. advanced imaging and soft tissue surgery both require a paper - and both professors have offered co-author assistance on these papers (with me being 1st author). these papers would be published by august of my senior year - in time for internship applications, if i decide (in typical masochist fashion) to pursue that route. it's only another year, after all. and at least i'll be a real doctor at that point.

tests start next friday, and then my laxity will resolve itself (hopefully). but i find the thought of one test a week laughably easy...so...there.

thoughts on the state of the union and rebuttal

a great deal of fodder for thought.

i'm still watching rebuttals - hillary clinton at the moment.

my overall feelings on the address are lukewarm. as was bush's delivery, i thought. the only moments when i got a sense of genuine emotion from the president was during his discussion of iraq and when he presented the heroes in the audience. you can easily see where his real fervor as president lies - with staying the course in iraq and seeing the war through to its finish. his immigration policy - eh, not so hot. his healthcare spiel - eh, it sounded equivocal to me. bush pandered to both sides a bit - advancing the idea of somewhat socialized healthcare but just toeing that line, so as not to offend the moderates and hardcore conservatives.

the rebuttal by senator webb (on behalf of the democratic party) was - i thought - well done. he might have harped a bit too much on his family's history of service to this country (as jim snidely phrased it, 'his political bid for a future presidency'), but overall, he raised good points. i'm still not 100% sure why we did go to war with iraq. yes, i realize that terrorism is a real threat. and no, i'm not naive enough to believe that saddam had no links or interest in funding terrorism. i'm just not sure that our troops and resources couldn't have been expended better elsewhere. but i fully admit that i might be wrong about that, and i am woefully underinformed when it comes to topics of war. after all, i have to rely strictly on the media for information. i do know that our intelligence agencies and our military, since the start of the war, really since 9/11, have foiled several plots to kill american citizens. furthermore, we have captured many important operatives high in the ranks of al-quaeda.

whatever the quibble on whether or not we should have gone into iraq - my current feeling is this - whatever the reason we went into a war, we're in it now. 3000 military men and women from this country have died in service to the freedom of the iraqi people (and for the freedom of americans from terror). to back out now would be a concession; the US admitting that we bit off more than we could chew, and that terrorism wins. and THAT would be a huge mistake.

it's like antibiotics, people. you can take 3 days of your 10 day prescription. on that 3rd day, you're feeling perky, feeling good. you think, why do i need the next 7 days of drugs? and you stop taking the antibiotics. and for a little bit you're ok. and then what? the bug comes back - only now it's super-tenacious bug, and you're way sicker this time around. the terrorists are like that. we could be diplomatic now, withdraw from an 'occupied' iraq, and wait. because it won't be long before the terrorists are emboldened. not long before iran and north korea see what cowards the americans turned out to be. and why then would they listen to anything we have to say?

no, i think - whatever your original feelings on the war were - you cannot logically argue that pulling out and leaving iraq to the wolves is the right answer. everything else is irrelevant. we either stay and show the world of what america is made, or we back out and we wait. we wait for the next sept 11th, the next USS Cole, the next US Embassy bombing in a foreign company. and i don't like that idea at all.

whatever our shortcomings as a people are, bush had it right at the end of his address. the american people are a generous and good-spirited people. we are a worthy nation. i am proud to be american, and i have no shame in saying it.

i've been accused of being hard-headed, opinionated, and a know-it-all frequently. what surprises people is that i really don't know that much. i fully admit that my opinions and political viewpoints have been strongly shaped by my environment, my childhood, and my family. but despite all that, there are fundamental truths that seem evident to me. we live in the greatest country in the world. and we have to protect that country. war is a terrible, ugly thing. but, as someone famous once said, 'there is a peace only to be found on the other side of war.' as ugly a thought as that is, it's also a true one.

Pan's Labyrinth

go ...... see ...... this ...... movie.

it was amazing.

it's in spanish but the subtitles are very simple. i will warn you - it's very, very, very sad. it made me cry so much that at the end, i had to bite the inside of my cheek, sink down in my chair, and try very, very hard not to let out a harsh sobbing sound. it could've been embarrassing - except, during the quiet moments, i heard lots of **sniff** sigh ** snort ** sniff ** and other similar sounds of snot being sucked back by many throats.

the movie focuses around ofelia, a young girl living in the midst of franco's 1944 spain. the storyline alternates between fantasy and reality. the reality of life is grim, and ofelia escapes from this life by imagining herself princess of the underworld.

it ....................... was .......................... so ......................... good. and so, so sad.

and what are you doing in the morning?

because i'm going to be pounding a sharp-tipped metal instrument called a trocar into the chest of an anesthetized dog. honestly, i'm a titch nervous about it. it's a live surgery (chest tube placement), and it's very antiquated. you'd think there would be a better way to do this - to introduce a tube into the chest. but there's not. you actually HIT this instrument with the palm of your hand. you basically have to pound it through the intercostal muscles and into the thorax. hoping, of course, that you don't hit a lung lobe or the heart. of the 2, i'd rather hit a lung lobe. you can take those out. the heart - not so much. we also get to do a thoracotomy (open the chest, look inside at stuff), a pericardectomy (removal of the pericardium from around the heart - which is still beating - how does one suture something that is MOVING anyway?), and a lung lobectomy. a dog can live without 5 of its 6 lung lobes. i kid you not. pictures will be, of course, forthcoming. on that thought, good night.

baby clock

so those 2 things would seem to be unrelated. and, in truth - they are. it's just what happens to be on my mind at this precise moment - as i unwind before bedtime.

my internet and blogger friend angie is intent on knocking up drosophila females for her genetic experiment...and reading about it at her premenopaws blog (linked on your right there) got me in the mood to discuss my baby clock. for about the past 9 months (haha, no - seriously) - it's been ticking fiercely. i think it might be about to detonate or something. it worries me. when you start to actually hear it ticking - does that mean it's time? and if it does indeed mean that, does it also mean that time is running out for my ovaries? or am i forever sterile anyway, thanks to my powerful right-handed rotary phone throw = cracked microwave door that for SOME reason my parents didn't replace for several years?? i'm probably sterile, as are my 4 brothers. so, yeah that wasn't what i wanted to talk about at all. my point was that the drama in my life - which took place this previous summer and which i've only vaguely talked about here - has left me with the desire to fill my nest. i'm ready. it's a welcome feeling. i always knew in theory and in the abstract that i wanted children. there was never really any question about that for me. but i never felt it. felt it down to the roots of my soul. i never felt i was missing anything. i was always pretty happy in my life with jim - just the 2 of us, free to do as we please. more or less. but now, now, now - the monstrous ticking inside me never quiets. i'm hoping this clock doesn't have an alarm, because there will be only one way to shut it off when it finally rings...
it might be ringing already.

baby clock

so those 2 things would seem to be unrelated. and, in truth - they are. it's just what happens to be on my mind at this precise moment - as i unwind before bedtime.

my internet and blogger friend angie is intent on knocking up drosophila females for her genetic experiment...and reading about it at her premenopaws blog (linked on your right there) got me in the mood to discuss my baby clock. for about the past 9 months (haha, no - seriously) - it's been ticking fiercely. i think it might be about to detonate or something. it worries me. when you start to actually hear it ticking - does that mean it's time? and if it does indeed mean that, does it also mean that time is running out for my ovaries? or am i forever sterile anyway, thanks to my powerful right-handed rotary phone throw = cracked microwave door that for SOME reason my parents didn't replace for several years?? i'm probably sterile, as are my 4 brothers. so, yeah that wasn't what i wanted to talk about at all. my point was that the drama in my life - which took place this previous summer and which i've only vaguely talked about here - has left me with the desire to fill my nest. i'm ready. it's a welcome feeling. i always knew in theory and in the abstract that i wanted children. there was never really any question about that for me. but i never felt it. felt it down to the roots of my soul. i never felt i was missing anything. i was always pretty happy in my life with jim - just the 2 of us, free to do as we please. more or less. but now, now, now - the monstrous ticking inside me never quiets. i'm hoping this clock doesn't have an alarm, because there will be only one way to shut it off when it finally rings...
it might be ringing already.

thoughtful piece on the comparisons between vietnam and india

i read a good book once called 'useful idiots' - the title making reference to lenin's comment that the media liberals in america were useful idiots. the book was, of course, not an objective work - but it was very well-researched, and it was very, very sad. it talked a great deal about vietnam and how it was a war not lost on the battlefield but rather via the media. i knew very little about vietnam before i read this book, despite having a vietnam vet for a father, but this book was very detailed and very interesting. but so, so depressing. at any rate, i was checking out neal boortz's site. for those of you who don't know boortz, he's a libertarian radio talk show host. at any rate, he had a link to a very thoughtful article written by thomas sowell comparing iraq to vietnam. please give it a read, regardless of your feelings on iraq. it's very well-written, not too long, and definitely worth the time:

http://www.townhall.com/columnists/ThomasSowell/2007/01/16/another_vietnam

not much to talk about

school is underway - with a rip-roaring 6 non-stop hours of lecture on friday. and i mean NON-STOP. since i'm taking advanced imaging modalities, which is taught on fridays, during lunch. i don't enjoy a single core class this semester. we only have 4 this last time around - but i also have 4 electives. our core classes are large animal orthopedics, small animal orthopedics, dermatology, and oncology. with the exception of oncology, i couldn't care less about the rest of them...

hrm. i fixed my hair finally. i had my hairperson (as if it's ever the same one) cut the red out mostly, highlight everything my natural color of blonde, and then give me a stylish cut. for $130 i'm very pleased with the result. she did a fantastic job. isn't that boring?

yesterday and last night were fun/exhausting. we had a belated birthday party for jim. and by we, i mean me. i cooked for 7 - dan, gabby, alison, dee, jim, sam, and myself. 2 homemade chicken pot pies, a salad, homemade mashed potatoes, and steamed broccoli and cauliflower. it was damned good, if i do say so myself. then, we all sat around, drank wine/beer/etc and played jim's ms pacman game. we followed that up with david lynch's masterpiece (arguably his darkest film, though mulholland drive is fairly dark) 'lost highway'. i'd never seen it before, and i loved it. which brings me back around to inland empire. why, david, why??

i'm sitting here doing absolutely nothing. the house is spotless, even dusted, since we had so many people over yesterday. the birds are relatively quiet. it's a 3 day weekend, and the studying hasn't really ratcheted up yet. jim's studying in the other room, so i'm left to my own useless devices. i don't even feel like reading. i started helen dewitt's 'the last samurai' - but it's so boring that it's making my eyes cross, so i put it down.

oh yes. i won something. me, who never wins anything! remember my 2 summers of research at UT? well, it's part of a program sponsored by the COE (center for excellence). there are about 35 students enrolled in it. at any rate, this year, my abstract - the title of which is so long i'm going to type this wordy explanation instead - was chosen 'outstanding abstract of the year'. i won money too. i'm pretty excited. or i was, before the ennui of today set in.

so, i'm just sitting here on the couch, with the pats and the chargers on the TV set, on mute. i keep staring out the window at the gray sky and thinking i should be doing something........

not much to talk about

school is underway - with a rip-roaring 6 non-stop hours of lecture on friday. and i mean NON-STOP. since i'm taking advanced imaging modalities, which is taught on fridays, during lunch. i don't enjoy a single core class this semester. we only have 4 this last time around - but i also have 4 electives. our core classes are large animal orthopedics, small animal orthopedics, dermatology, and oncology. with the exception of oncology, i couldn't care less about the rest of them...

hrm. i fixed my hair finally. i had my hairperson (as if it's ever the same one) cut the red out mostly, highlight everything my natural color of blonde, and then give me a stylish cut. for $130 i'm very pleased with the result. she did a fantastic job. isn't that boring?

yesterday and last night were fun/exhausting. we had a belated birthday party for jim. and by we, i mean me. i cooked for 7 - dan, gabby, alison, dee, jim, sam, and myself. 2 homemade chicken pot pies, a salad, homemade mashed potatoes, and steamed broccoli and cauliflower. it was damned good, if i do say so myself. then, we all sat around, drank wine/beer/etc and played jim's ms pacman game. we followed that up with david lynch's masterpiece (arguably his darkest film, though mulholland drive is fairly dark) 'lost highway'. i'd never seen it before, and i loved it. which brings me back around to inland empire. why, david, why??

i'm sitting here doing absolutely nothing. the house is spotless, even dusted, since we had so many people over yesterday. the birds are relatively quiet. it's a 3 day weekend, and the studying hasn't really ratcheted up yet. jim's studying in the other room, so i'm left to my own useless devices. i don't even feel like reading. i started helen dewitt's 'the last samurai' - but it's so boring that it's making my eyes cross, so i put it down.

oh yes. i won something. me, who never wins anything! remember my 2 summers of research at UT? well, it's part of a program sponsored by the COE (center for excellence). there are about 35 students enrolled in it. at any rate, this year, my abstract - the title of which is so long i'm going to type this wordy explanation instead - was chosen 'outstanding abstract of the year'. i won money too. i'm pretty excited. or i was, before the ennui of today set in.

so, i'm just sitting here on the couch, with the pats and the chargers on the TV set, on mute. i keep staring out the window at the gray sky and thinking i should be doing something........

this was a long post about jane austen and robin mckinley with info about my test tacked on - then i deleted it all b/c it wasn't written well

we had our large animal ortho exam this morning at 8am. i finally slept last night/this morning at 3:30 am. it was a fitful sleep, riddled with unhappy dreams and moments of half-waking. i couldn't always tell where the dreams left off and consciousness began. after 3 hours of this torture, my alarm rang, and i dragged myself into the shower. my exam went fine. after it was over, i continued dragging myself around. i had to organize a great deal of material for our open house duties, then go to class, then spend an hour reviewing histology for my tutoring session, then host a meeting with all of our open house workers, and then tutor. i made it home by 7pm.

my noble plan was to do nothing tonight. i had a brief surge of alertness and motivation, so i dragged my laptop and soft tissue surgery articles out, 'determined' to begin writing my advanced surgery paper. chyeah. here i am, playing on blogger, watching pride&prejudice, and checking myspace occasionally. here's to the art of procrastination. let's all have a drink and go to bed!

big me

i'm gaining weight because all i do is eat and study and sit on my ass working on school stuff. not just academics either. i'm doing all the stuff as prez of AWE and chair of exotics, writing those papers...blah blah. i feel bloated...i was going back to the gym - but lately, it's been - "hmm, sleep in when the weather is 20 degrees or get up, put on shorts, and go to the overheated gym to sweat?"

seems like a no brainer.

i need a date

but i can't find one. the atlanta opera is doing romeo et juliette on sunday. i've been wanting to see it for over a year. but jim has a test on wednesday, and he can't get away. so i'm left with the options of seeing it by myself or not seeing it all. i tried all my friends and family, but the notice is obviously a bit short. i actually thought it was next weekend, which would have been great for jim. unfortunately, i'm challenged when it comes to scheduling lately. i've been so busy that i can't keep up with what i'm doing. i've double-scheduled things lately more than once - including a school SCAVMA meeting and a tutoring session.

so what i was going to write about was PMS. more specifically, my PMS. see - when i hit my mid-20s, i kind of went psycho. or my hormones did. i don't remember ever having such serious and erratic mood swings before i was about 25. but i hit that age and BAM! i went nuts. when i found out that i couldn't get anyone to go with me to the opera on sunday, i sank into a depression that alternated with moments of extreme rage. i was eyeing my bedside table and thinking how absolutely satisfying - how pleasing it would be to sweep my clock, phone, and lamp off the table with one swoop of my arm. i could HEAR the crash in my head, and it made me feel momentarily serene. then the rage came back, and i considered whether or not it would be idiotic to repeatedly smash my fist into the heavy oaken headboard of my bed. the thought of splinters and blood flying everywhere was actually kind of soothing, too. yeah. those feelings aren't normal for me. it's completely overwhelming and makes me want to cry (which i already want to do, given the nature of these hormonal swings). at last, as the red fog descended and lifted, descended and lifted, i decided to go for a drive. i bought a pack of cigarettes, found a dark country road with little traffic, turned my ipod onto my special playlist called 'late night driving songs' - and i went for a drive. i stayed out for about an hour and a half. and for those of you who are worried that i might smash my car into a tree or guardrail as a way to express the rage, fear not. the act of driving, smoking, and listening to dark, sinister music is enough to calm me. odd the things that will have that effect on me.


so, i'm back at home - pondering the elusive delights of sleep. i have so much to do this weekend that i don't want to go to bed. when i get up, the race is on to accomplish as much as i can before monday rolls around. unlikely that i will actually complete all my myriad tasks, but i can always strive for near perfection, eh?



ps i eeked out a 90.5 on the derm exam.

back to school...so soon

it seems like the break passed as quick as a sigh. and it's time again. this semester should be a tiny bit easier than the last 5. we have 3-5 electives. that's great because i won't have class on wednesday or fridays anymore until 1pm (since i have no elective at that time). i love that. plus, i'm taking 2 electives i'm excited about - small animal ultrasound and advanced soft tissue surgery. i also have a zoological med elective, which i'm not totally thrilled about - since it's going to focus heavily on wildlife. but that's 0k. i might swap at the last minute and take another class, but i'm not sure yet. i'm nervous whenever i think about ST surgery. we're going to do some real, hardcore (to us) surgeries this semester, including liver and lung lobectomies (removal of lobes), splenectomies, etc. bloody stuff. no more easy spay/neuter. we also have 2 terminal surgeries. it doesn't bother me much, the animals are research animals and slated for euthanasia as a result of the study they are enrolled in. of course, i'd rather not have to put down any animals, but at least these are not being put down strictly for the benefit of the class...

it's already here again. but hey! only 3 months of classes, then it's into the ivory tower of clinics. and then, after a year during which the vet school owns me and my time, i'm finished. forever. i hope.

another odd animal behavior sighting (aka not studying for orthopedics)

so, i'm gonna be a vet - right? as a veterinary student, i feel pretty observant. i watch animals a great deal - wildlife included. especially if i happen to be sitting somewhere near a window and trying to study. yet, i haven't seen that many interesting things happen in the animal world- at least, not as an unobtrusive observer...but two days in a row - i've been privy to random animal behaviors.

i was walking out of the library today, and i passed a trashcan. a squirrel appeared from the depths of said trashcan with an almost whole (2 bites taken, maybe) red delicious apple. it was at least 3/4th the size of the squirrel. the squirrel carried this bright red monstrosity about 15 yards to a tree. he then climbed the tree and sat at the fork of the trunk. he preceded to hold the apple in his little hands and chow down. have any of you ever seen a small, common brown squirrel sitting in a tree with a 1 pound bright red apple?? i hadn't. until today, that is.

snapshot of my day and duck curling

snapshot of my day and duck curling
this is a bit of what i'm accomplishing (hopefully) this semester:

publishing two papers as primary author (one a case study using CT imaging in an amazon parrot with skull fractures and the other a paper on soft tissue surgery technique - specifically scrotal urethrostomy - whoopee!)

chairing the Exotics committee for Open House '07 - which means organizing the entire exotics ward, all the animals, a flight show, a parrot behavior demonstration, etc etc

president of the avian, wildlife, and exotics club (AWE) = planning all the meetings (lunch and dinner), wetlabs, having teeshirts printed and selling said teeshirts, etc

tutoring a 1st year student in microanatomy

finishing(? or starting?) my research paper from the last 2 summers of parrot work

practicing suture and surgery techniques for my advanced surgery elective

taking 7 classes

i think i bit off more than i could chew this semester. just a bite too much maybe. my derm exam went fine. i think the lowest grade in the class was an 80. but come on people, it's skin. how hard can it be?? watch. given my slackerdom and general ambivalence if not outright apathy - i'll be the one with the 80. whoo me!!

i saw something funny on the way to school this morning. really funny. the weather here was unseasonably warm (global warming, har har) for a while in january. and lately it's been nipple-erecting cold - that biting cold that makes me want to stay in bed, no matter what my obligations. (i would die up north, btw). AAANNNYWAY - i was driving the backroad to school, as i always do - and i passed the pond near the medical center. it was frozen - which isn't usual around these parts lately. what killed me was that the ducks (who obviously have lost track of what season it is and that whole migration thing) were trying to land on said pond. they'd come cruising down from altitude, graceful and lovely against the morning sky, land on the ice, and go skidding a good 5 feet before sliding to an ungraceful stop. what made it all the more funny was the crows STANDING on the ice and watching. it almost looked like a sporting event. duck curling. why didn't the ducks see the crows standing on the ice and make a very simple deduction about landing conditions? seriously - they need like -- duck air traffic control to warn of icing conditions. i laughed all the way to school.

a day sans depression

i haven't talked much about it on here, but i've been in a pretty deep depression for about the last month. staying on the couch many days (except for class), doing the minimum to get by at school (which means a great deal of procrastination), sleeping whenever the option arose, and avoiding any kind of real activity. i don't like talking about it for several reasons. one is that i get accused of being self-centered, which i am - but i maintain that my self-centeredness is no more than anyone else's. secondly, it's intensely personal and finally, i'm sure people are sick of hearing about it. i seriously considered antidepressants at one point - but my feelings on antidepressants (for myself) is that they mask the problems rather than help solve them. unlike a chemical imbalance, i feel that my depression stems from a source that will resolve itself with time. true, i might be in a cycle of depression that's hard to break -- but --i think that antidepressants are like steroids, they often resolve the "inflammation" but the primary problem lingers on, untreated. so i've been muddling through, waiting for the day when i saw a little sunshine again.

now i hope the sun is here, if even for just a little while. i've been to the gym two days in a row, worked out, and i feel good. running in particular. i'm so glad to be back to it. i ran a 5k this summer and was really psyched about running (although it was always a love/hate thing). after the big explosion of chaos in my life that constituted july through eh -- 4 days ago -- i haven't been able to right myself. i was like a kayak; i filled up with icy water and sank. then someone or something had to drag me to shore and dump me out so i could float again. turns out the someone that had to drag me to shore was myself. i felt good today. i ran at the gym - stayed on the treadmill for 30 mins (no, i wasn't running the whole time) - and loved every second. didn't want to get off actually. but it was packed and there are all these rules, yada yada yada.

now i'm home, and i'm content. i feel good. i have that post-exercise high. there's something about running - the feeling of making your body bend to your will, just doing something that utilizes muscles and heart and vessels. i feel powerful and huge and strong when i run - even though i'm not that great of a runner.

at any rate, this morning was advanced soft tissue surgery again. ear and neck/head surgeries (emergency tracheostomy, esophagostomy tube placement, lateral and vertical ear canal resections, and mandibular sialoadenectomy). i have discovered that i DO NOT have a natural talent for surgery. sharon does, as does jess. they are both decisive and meticulous - but fast. i'm jealous. i always feel slow and stupid when doing surgery with them. they both are just good. i'm not. i always screw up my sutures and then have to go back and redo them. and i get really frustrated with myself, especially when working with them. i got to do the esophagostomy tube and a vertical ear canal resection. both were neat surgeries, neither went particularly great. but oh well. i learned what my mistakes were, and i'll know what not to do next time. it was a cadaver lab, our next terminal surgery is 2 weeks from today.

i have a small animal ortho test on thursday for which i haven't prepared, but i'm not too concerned. i'm not sure why...since i care virtually nothing for dermatology, i wonder how to express my absolute apathy about orthopedics. if i could care a negative amount, i would. i probably do...

Happy New York (I mean, New Year)!

a new year, new beginnings - hopefully, the chance to put the past emotional traumas behind me - crosby's death, uncle buster's death, the other personal stuff that's been so devastating to my spirit. so, here's to new beginnings! fresh starts! no resolutions, only a hopeful outlook!

so much to blog about that i don't know where to start. after finals, i did the puttering around, shopping, etc. we went down to gvegas on the wednesday evening before christmas. the next 6 days were spent with the family, doing various, enjoyable family things - including lots of eating (generic, i know) and game playing. on christmas, we divided the day more or less evenly between jim's family and mine. we played hardcore mudball. the goodson clan (my side) plays football every year on thanksgiving and christmas. of course, this year, it rained god awfully hard the day before. the ground looked relatively dry. chyeah. right. i wound up coated in mud from head to toe - wearing, as alison put it, my 'good clothes'. eh, mud washes out, right? that was one highlight of the week (this was christmas morning, so we showed up to the ashe christmas dinner mud-splattered and grinning). another highlight was a beautiful afternoon we spent outside shooting guns. jim's dad is quite the gun collector. we went out and shot for about 3 hours on a gorgeous day. unfortunatley, SOMEONE forgot a couple of guns, so we only wound up using the .45s. no complaint here, i love .45s. and i'm actually a good shot. so that was fun. and of course, the final highlight was the food. my mother-in-law prepared not just a christmas ham but a standing rib roast the likes of which i had not previously seen. so the food was unbelievable, as usual when mom part 2 is involved.

christmas day was hectic and enjoyable but a wee bit stressful. our flight to laguardia left on the day after christmas at 6am. so, we had to leave gvegas and come home to pack rapidly. i was having such fun gambling away worthless poker chips and losing badly at texas hold 'em that i lost track of time. my husband was playing with alison's new nintendo wii, so he was no help. we left way later than we intended and didn't get home to kvegas until around 10pm. needless to say, we didn't get to bed until around 2am or later. only to be dragged from sleep at around 4am to get ready and get to the airport. we had an uneventful - if disappointing flight. the fog was so bad in NYC that we didn't get to see even a tiny shadow of manhattan as we flew over. in fact, when we came out of the clouds/fog finally, we were LITERALLY about 25 feet above the runway. a bit disconcerting for the uneasy flier (read: ME!). but it was a good flight.

our time in NYC was packed with activity - and so many new things for both of us. mass transportation for one thing. god, the subway is the BEST idea ever. i wish to god every city had mass transport. it was so absolutely ROCKING to be able to jump on the subway and go anywhere in the city anytime. of course, it took a while to figure out the subways, as they aren't the most clearly designated things on earth. but once you got the hang of it -- it wasn't too bad. and it only cost $4 from queens to NYC and back. once inside the subway system, you can transfer back and forth between trains, no charge. so that was great. cheap. we got to take a cab ride, too - when we visited the museum of natural history. which wasn't nearly as far from the met as it appeared on the handy NYC map we got for free from the subway people. so that was a walk we wasted (through the park no less).

we did the usual things - walked around the city a great deal. saw times square, the statue of liberty (from battery park, we didn't do the ferry), saw the empire state building and chrysler building (from a distance, we didn't go in either, they actually charge!), ground zero, 5th avenue, madison avenue, central park, the met, the museum of natural history, greenwich village (most of our time was spent there), chinatown, st patrick's cathedral (awe inspiring). we ate at a few different restaurants - 2 of note - monte's italian bistro in the village and caffe dante, an espresso bar/dessert bar/cafe type place. both were excellent. i've now developed a sick affinity for not just coffee but ESPRESSO. no wonder they serve it in such small cups. that shit is strong. but the stuff at caffe dante was really really really really good. it left such an amazing aftertaste in your mouth. warm and beany and rich.

it was great to spend so much time with good friends. on new year's, jeremy toasted to us and said that there were no better people with which to spend the passing of the old year.

what else, what else? we got to see david lynch's new movie, inland empire. it was only released in NY(currently). lynch is hand distributing the film. after sitting through all 3 excruciatingly painful hours, i now understand why. i'm not a hardcore lyncho-phile or whatever you want to call it. but twin peaks: fire walk with me and mulholland drive are 2 of my favorite movies ever. i have a healthy appreciation and respect for blue velvet, and i'm dying to see lost highway but can't find it around here on DVD. wild at heart wasn't great, but i enjoyed it. i call myself a lynch fan. not a FANatic. but a fan. and inland empire sucked. it was 3 freaking hours and lacked any coherency. i'm okay with incoherent, it's the lynch style. but you always trust, when watching his - dare i call them art? - movies, that there is some underlying key that will unlock the door. and generally, this is true. with inland empire, there was no sense of this. and, as it turns out, lynch lacked a script for this movie. he made it up as he went along, with the hope that it would all pull together in the end. and it didn't. i want my $11 back. and those 3 lost hours.

jim's birthday was fun. we hit a pub called the slaughtered lamb. it was a theme bar - with haunted stuff all over - neat grotesque displays all over the place - life-sized. one was a werewolf and his prey (a lovely, tall, blonde girl), another was a hanging skeleton that had been tortured. the place had a ton of character. we were there for about 4 hours and met a crowd of brits (hailing from ireland, scotland, and england). they were generous enough to get my husband drunk, since it was his 29th birthday (his 3rd 29th birthday that is). i got drunk by innocent (if hanging out in a bar with your husband and 4 friends could be called innocent) association. if you buy drinks for one person, you buy drinks for everybody. we had to ride the subway back, and i was feeling good. really really drunk, but good. it wasn't till 10am the next morning that all the beer and the shot of vodka caught up with me. let's put it this way, AFTER throwing up pure beer, the hour commute to the village was palm-sweatingly, teeth-grindingly awful. but - as ALWAYS - once i got a bit of super-greasy food in me (a corndog and fries from papaya dog on the corner of 6th ave and cornelia in the village), i felt 1000% better. i still don't understand the physiological explanation behind that - but it's got to be greasy food. nothing else suffices. i was the only one who apparently didn't know her limit. no one else had a hangover.

wow, after reliving that night in my head, i can't remember what else i did. oh yes, shopped in chinatown for knock-off prada and D&G. that was fun. i actually went into the fendi store on 5th ave. but i felt so out of place, i had to leave. it might have been the proximity of the $1400 purses and shoes. but hey, they actually had boots moderately priced at $500-$600.

the last day we spent in NYC was new year's eve. we didn't go to time's square. everyone told us not to because of the masses of crowds, the lack of public restrooms, etc. so we stayed in with amanda's family, played games (vigorously!) and drank champagne, wine, and rum. we rang in the new year happily (and mostly soberly, especially me - i was totally abstaining).

today was interesting. we arrived at laguardia promptly at 6am for our 8:15am (so i thought) flight to knoxville. when we went to check our bags, the uber-friendly (NOT) dude insisted we had no flight. he wasn't helpful at all, so i tried the delta self-service kiosk. no flight registration for us. and, in a previous stupid moment, i hadn't printed out our itinerary. but i was sure we were to fly on delta. no wi-fi in the airport either, for some reason. so the laptop was useless. in despair, i woke up my mother via phone to check my itinerary online. only to find that our flight was at 8:15pm. definitely one of my prouder moments. we were stranded at the airport (we took a cab, as our hosts also flew out the same morning, from JFK). i joined the HUGE line to the check-in counter and finally made it to the front. we were lucky enough (so i thought) to switch our flight to a 9am flight to atlanta and from there to kvegas. plenty of time, phew. we made it to our gate, hung around, and our plane didn't show up. when it finally did, we boarded around 20 minutes late. jim really wanted to watch the outback bowl today. it was a big deal. he'd hoped we'd make it. no such luck, of course. at any rate, after our late departure, we arrived in atlanta. the flight was bumpy, due to the weather. it was the first time i'd ever experienced real turbulence on climbing. the plane swayed a lot side to side on take off and during the ascent. it was a little disconcerting. but the stewardess had said it was expected, so my palms only sweated a teeny bit. at any rate, we landed at 11:40. our connecting flight to kvegas was at 12:30-boarding started at 12:00. when we landed (late), of course there was a malfunction with our jetbridge. so, we had to sit on our tarmac and look out the window at our next plane - which was sitting one concourse over. so tantalizingly close, so far away. deplaning took forever. we were on a boeing 757 that was PACKED to the gills. not an empty seat. and we sat in the very LAST row. did i mention jim and i are both sick with what his dad described as a 'walking pneumonia' - type bug that everyone in our hometown has? no? how could i not? jim's been far, far sicker than i, but on the first leg of the flight, i was feverish, weak, and lightheaded. it sucked. then, when we deplaned, we had to run to catch our connecting flight. and i mean run - because it was a train ride away. but we made it. that flight was on an MD-88, and of the 150 or so seats, perhaps 40 were taken. sparsely populated and smooth sailing. a nice flight home. and we made it. but jim missed the game, and he was none too happy. so i felt like a load of poo for screwing up the itinerary. as i said, not one of my prouder non-blonde moments.

and now, now, now we're home. after 12 days away. it feels really good to be here. i missed my animals, my house, the normalcy of my life. i loved NYC. i thought it was a great city. contrary to popular southern belief, not everyone in NY is an asshole. in fact, no one was. we met a lot of really nice people. on our first train ride from queens to manhattan proper, we met a lovely young guy named giovanni finishing his aerospace engineering degree at NYIT. friendly as hell, showed us the train we needed to be on to transfer over to the village. not one person was rude to us. we did see a couple of crazy people, and we did see some true NY flavor when people hung out the windows and cursed at each other while driving, but over all - i loved the city. it was clean, beautiful, friendly, and offered an abundance of diversions. i wouldn't want to live there, because i would miss the mountains and small town life, in some ways. but it was a great place, all the same.

i have tons of pictures (400 or so....) of our adventures in the big city. but i'll have to transfer them to my computer from my laptop, so those will come later. in the meantime, here are some christmas pictures.

merry christmas and happy new year to all!!!