Tuesday, January 9, 2007

i need a date

but i can't find one. the atlanta opera is doing romeo et juliette on sunday. i've been wanting to see it for over a year. but jim has a test on wednesday, and he can't get away. so i'm left with the options of seeing it by myself or not seeing it all. i tried all my friends and family, but the notice is obviously a bit short. i actually thought it was next weekend, which would have been great for jim. unfortunately, i'm challenged when it comes to scheduling lately. i've been so busy that i can't keep up with what i'm doing. i've double-scheduled things lately more than once - including a school SCAVMA meeting and a tutoring session.

so what i was going to write about was PMS. more specifically, my PMS. see - when i hit my mid-20s, i kind of went psycho. or my hormones did. i don't remember ever having such serious and erratic mood swings before i was about 25. but i hit that age and BAM! i went nuts. when i found out that i couldn't get anyone to go with me to the opera on sunday, i sank into a depression that alternated with moments of extreme rage. i was eyeing my bedside table and thinking how absolutely satisfying - how pleasing it would be to sweep my clock, phone, and lamp off the table with one swoop of my arm. i could HEAR the crash in my head, and it made me feel momentarily serene. then the rage came back, and i considered whether or not it would be idiotic to repeatedly smash my fist into the heavy oaken headboard of my bed. the thought of splinters and blood flying everywhere was actually kind of soothing, too. yeah. those feelings aren't normal for me. it's completely overwhelming and makes me want to cry (which i already want to do, given the nature of these hormonal swings). at last, as the red fog descended and lifted, descended and lifted, i decided to go for a drive. i bought a pack of cigarettes, found a dark country road with little traffic, turned my ipod onto my special playlist called 'late night driving songs' - and i went for a drive. i stayed out for about an hour and a half. and for those of you who are worried that i might smash my car into a tree or guardrail as a way to express the rage, fear not. the act of driving, smoking, and listening to dark, sinister music is enough to calm me. odd the things that will have that effect on me.

so, i'm back at home - pondering the elusive delights of sleep. i have so much to do this weekend that i don't want to go to bed. when i get up, the race is on to accomplish as much as i can before monday rolls around. unlikely that i will actually complete all my myriad tasks, but i can always strive for near perfection, eh?

ps i eeked out a 90.5 on the derm exam.

No comments: