Monday, February 27, 2006

warning: less than stellar grade alert!

that title sounds very self-satisfied, but i didn't intend it that way. we took our final in nutrition on the friday before spring break (st patty's day). i couldn't focus or settle myself to study for it properly. probably because i loathe the subject material with every fiber of my being. that and the fact that i've been a mental basket case lately (and those of you who think i'm ALWAYS a mental basket case can keep it to yourselves) -- i do loathe that class though. bad attitude, but bah - there it is. anyway, it was in 2 parts, as there were 2 instructors (unlike pharm II, which has 12 instructors! including a che guevera look-alike that dresses all in black and is only lacking a beret). anyway, one part was worth 80 points, the other 90 or so. i think. the point is, i always say i did poorly (and while that was true for gross anat first year, it's never been true since) and then do fine. this time, i outdid myself. i made a 59/80 on the first portion. i almost yakked up lunch when i saw my grade. it's dismal. we haven't received the other portion yet, which i'm fairly sure i did okay on. but i needed a 140/170 to maintain an A in the class. and i'm guessing, due to part 1, that i just lost that A. sucks. but i needed a very low score to maintain a B. so, i can't really complain. but jeez, i can't even muster up enough caring in me to be pissed at myself for how much i screwed off the night before the test. i think i had reached max capacity burn out at that point. that - coupled with all the other odd mental weirdness lately - left me with exactly 1% of my brain that was remotely interested in studying for the final. and i had an excellent grade going in - somewhere in the neighborhood of a 95%! so, i thoroughly screwed up the final.

ah well.

i also didn't do as well on my GI 2nd test as i did on the first. i destroyed the first one with a 97%, which i was incredibly proud of. this last one - again - boredom and burn out struck - and i just couldn't get it together mentally. i made an 85% on the test. we still have 2 more before the class ends, so no permanent damage. probably.

i had straight As up until the nutrition final. i guess i'll have to wait and see how i did on part 2. i highly doubt that i missed a mere 9 points, but i guess it's possible.

so, spring break went by in a blur. i stayed in tennessee instead of going to florida. i decided the time should be spent reconnecting with that guy i live with (aka my husband). we'd seen so little of each other over the past 2 weeks, with all my finals and other non-final tests. it'd been a very foggy 2 weeks. at the end, looking back over it, i had a very unclear picture of what i'd been doing. i only knew that it involved studying frantically, going to class, and taking tests. i couldn't remember much that jim and i had done together, except packing frantically, driving to durham, running around doing wedding stuff, then coming back home and me studying, studying, studying, studying.

two people in my class have gotten divorced this year. it's so so sad. i understand now more fully why people do get divorced in vet school. it totally absorbs your mind and body both. you can't ever be fully with someone, because part of you is always in that classroom, staring at the board, thinking about all the tests that are coming, and everything you need to be doing, and if your grades are good enough to get a residency, and where you can get a residency, and will you have to move, and why am i thinking about residencies? i need to get through my neurology midterm on friday! that sort of thing. but still, it makes me sad to see people struggling with vet school and with life crises. of course, i'm going through a life crises myself. but j. is unbelievably supportive, so i can't complain there. he understands - to some extent -what i'm going through. and that makes it easier. sometimes too easy, because we both realize the other needs all the studying time they can get, and we wind up ignoring each other. hence, my decision to stay home for spring break. it was a good one.

i helped at school for 3 days, as well. it's interview for the class of 2010 applicant week. so, i gave tours of the vet school, hung out in the hospitality suite, and met people before their interviews. i also tried to keep people from being unduly nervous. god, i barely remember what it was like to be nervous about interviewing for vet school. i barely remember what life was like before vet school sometimes. at any rate, it was a mildly fun way to spend a couple of hours per day. i got to meet a lot of cool people. also, a friend of mine is interviewing for a spot. this is her 4th year being granted an interview, but not being admitted. i'm desperate for her to get in, because it's all she wants to do with her life. i'll probably worry about it over the next week or so as much as she will.

i guess that's all here. i'm not any more mentally stable than i was last time i posted. or maybe i am, who can tell? i get to do ophthalmological surgery tomorrow on cadavers, practicing my hotz-celsus technique, my keratectomy, and my conjunctival pedicle grafts. all should be fun.

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