life lessons

my grandfather has - from the time i was old enough to understand this - tried very hard to inculcate me with one simple truth: life is not fair. recently, i argued with him that i thought he was bitter rather than simply cynical. this really bothered him. he explained that he is not bitter, that he is very grateful for his life, relishes the good things he has, while still accepting that the world at large is kind of a sucky place. at the time, i didn't believe him, and i was angry with him - because he seemed hellbent on convincing me that being idealistic (as the young tend to be) is a pointless endeavor. he also seemed just hellbent on browbeating me with his vast store of accumulated wisdom.

now, i realize that he was trying to prepare me for the situation in which i find myself. he was trying to spare me the angst and misery and self-doubt and questioning and hurting that i am currently experiencing (to a more limited degree - thanks to his wisdom).

i want him to know that his lesson has not been in vain. i have learned that the world is not a fair place. i have learned that by and large, people do NOT get what they deserve, that no matter how right you are, how hard you work, how much effort you put forth - that it might not matter in the end. fortunately, he also taught me the solution to that problem: do your work, care only to a certain extent, and in the end - suck it up.

and so, my friends and family - that is exactly what i am going to do. i am going to suck it up, act like an adult, and avoid passive-aggressive behavior. i cannot influence the actions and behaviors of others (wow! i bet NO ONE BEFORE ME has ever had that thought before, how novel. and if sarcasm doesn't translate well via internet - that WAS sarcasm), i can only control myself and how i react to a situation.

it has taken me exactly 24 hours to come to this conclusion. through 24 hours of the emotional gamut - from free-for-all sobbing to rationality - that is how far i've come from the emotionally immature 25 year old i was when i started vet school. the current goings-on in my life would have emotionally destroyed me for at least a week once upon a time. now i see the world with more clarity, the way people are with more clarity, and how i must act in regards to this.

to quote a recently learned euphemism that i'm rather fond of:

i'm putting on my big girl panties.

ladies and gentleman, i think i'm an adult now.

and yes, all of this IS related to the april 3rd post that was headed with my fury. all of it has come full circle and now ... here we are.