what to say, what to say?

the question of what to do with myself next year has again reared its ugly head. i am completely torn. i've been offered a job at my current place of work as an ER doctor. this would mean that i'd be working mostly overnights, and occasionally on the weekend days. it doesn't appeal to me. i don't think i'm cut out for ER medicine in the long run. i do enjoy it to some extent, but i also really enjoy the long-term follow up with patients, the relationships you build with owners, the feeling of getting to see an animal you've nursed back to health survive and come back to you in the future. ER medicine doesn't really allow for that very often (although on occasion, it does).

i also don't like dealing with people under an enormous amount of stress. people get too ugly and anger too easily in emergency medicine.

on the other hand, where i am now - i can practice top notch medicine 90% of the time (the other 10% of the time, we're out of really critical things ... like certain blood machine cartridges and potassium chloride and reglan...). despite myriad flaws, the place is developing, and it has massive potential. i like that i can often thoroughly work up a case instead of just prescribing antibiotics and sending a patient out the door.

i don't know where i'd work next year if not at my current location. jobs are scarce, the market in my area is not good, and i'm afraid that i won't be able to find a day job.

i go back and forth because...hey, it's just another year, right? i could work there while the husband finishes his phd, then we'd both be free to move wherever our fancy takes us.

***sighing*** i was foolish enough to delude myself into thinking that all the hard decisions would be over once i graduated vet school.