Thursday, January 22, 2009


i must say, my grandfather is fairly progressive as far as movie-viewing taste goes.

i was lying around being useless tuesday night (reading my book), and he was flipping channels. he couldn't find anything to watch, but stigmata (1997 - patricia arquette, gabriel byrne) was on. it's not a perfect movie - but there are many excellent qualities about it - musical score, cinematography, the theme...(also, staring at the absolutely luscious in a professorial way gabriel byrne is fabulous - at least for me), and i really love it. i actually own it on DVD. at any rate, it wasn't anything i thought he'd like - too racy. he loved it, to my surprise. he stayed up and watched the whole thing.

then tonight, he wanted me to suggest a movie. our on demand choices were very minimal, but the dark knight was one of the features. i can't say enough about it. i really do think it's one of the best movies (all of the independent/subtitled/french/spanish/etc movies i've seen INCLUDED) i've ever seen. it has depth, excitement, plot, character development, and despite being an "action" flick - it has a strong message.

he watched the whole thing from start to finish. all 2.5 hours of it. i think it might have been a tad too depressing for him, but he seemed to enjoy it.

tonight was lovely. i went out to dinner with my 2 closest friends - ones i made way back during my 2nd year of undergraduate (10 years of friendship and counting). tomorrow, my aunt is taking me to the yacht club for lunch - which will be decadent.

friday, i fly home. i'm happy to go. not because i don't like being here, but because i really miss my husband - first and foremost. i also miss my animals, my house, and my comfortable place. i think, as i grow older, i get more and more agoraphobic. it's a weird feeling.

i've also been deeply, deeply depressed for the past week or more. due to the nature of some of this depression, i can't really elaborate in a public forum. suffice to say that it has been a terrible melancholy that i can't shake. it's starting to affect me physically. i've had GI problems. every time i eat, i get sick. i'll spare the details. some of the depression i can talk about and is due to a sudden flare of pain related to the drowning of my cousin 3 years ago this past december. it's something i've mostly come to terms with, although lately - i've had a very hard time dealing with it, and i have been prone to sudden bouts of nausea and tears. maybe because of all the new, small children in my life (my niece, my nephew, and my friends here in florida just had their first child).

there are other emotions mixed in - like oil in water. feelings of self-loathing and a deep, deep sorrow for things that i cannot undo.

ah. how did i go from talking about watching movies with my papa to my feelings of utter abject misery?

i'll stop now and retire for the evening. this post will probably get taken down at some point.

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