WTF?

long story short: i brought home a black cat from work to live outdoors at my house. he was unceremoniously dumped at our clinic by his white-trash owners (sorry, but it's true). he was a GREAT cat, and i fell in love with him in a weeks' time. we were introducing him to the backyard, and he was outside, when my mom called to tell me that dad was having a heart attack. we tried to find him to no avail. rather than continuing to search, the husband and i left for our 4 hour drive to the hospital. i haven't seen the cat since, which makes me feel like a terrible vet and person. i've driven round the neighborhood, posted signs, called the shelter, checked online - nothing.

i'm not generally an advocate of outdoor cats - i've seen far too many dog maulings, hit by cars, malicious abuse, FIV + cats to ever want my cats to have to suffer something like that. yet, i didn't want this guy to go to the shelter and possibly get euthanized (and he was already an outdoor cat), so i brought him home to be outdoors (we currently have 5 indoor cats - which borders on crazy). he was bar none one of the sweetest, most pliable cats i have ever met. and he liked to hug you!

he's been gone since saturday and naturally, i feel rotten. NOT the best week ever. i posted fliers yesterday with my name (first only) and phone number. thank god, not my address- as it turns out.

my phone rang this afternoon. the conversation went something like this:

me: hello?
crazy woman: yeah, i was calling about the black cat. where did you get him??
me: umm...what?
CW: where did you get him? the cat?? where did you get him, huh??
me: i'm a vet (mistake number 1) and someone dumped him at my workplace.
CW: you're a vet? oh so somebody abandoned him?
me: yes.
CW: i just wanted to tell you that there are mean people in this neighborhood. they steal cats. of course, they steal mine because i 'm single. but they steal them and they take them to the smiths' house. only smith isn't the girl's maiden name, it's mcgammon or something.
me: ooookay.
CW: so like i said, there are mean people in this neighborhood. they collect cats. they might have stolen yours.
me: okay, so you're not calling because you found my cat?
CW: no, bvt i do have one that looks like that. he hangs out at the house behind me now though - that's the brown's house. but i know he's there. he just hangs out there. you know - there are people in this neighborhood that steal my cats because i'm single.
me: ok - will you just keep an eye out for my cat?
CW: hey, could you vaccinate my cats for free for me?
me: umm, i work in an ER clinic and don't currently have access to vaccines.
CW: oh. ok. do you know the smiths? they steal cats. i think it's because they're poor. they're not too poor, but they are a little poor.
me: umm, i have to go.
CW: hey, could you come to my house and vaccinate my cats and just send me a bill?
me: i work for an ER clinic, and we don't do vaccines.
CW: oh...so you work at the **insert the name of my workplace here**?
me: ummm yes (likely mistake number 2), ok, i have to go now.
CW: oh. ok. are you sure you can't vaccinate my cats?
me: HANGING UP.

don't worry, she called back a mere 25 minutes later. i recognized the number and didn't answer, but i had this message waiting for me on my voicemail: "hey, i was just wondering if you have any coupons for free animal food, since you're a vet - and if you maybe wanted to share them with me."

cause after all, i am a vet.