the real world part 1

i just deleted an entire post because it bored me to tears. yes to tears. i'm sitting here crying, i'm so bored.

i've been thinking - as of late - how different my life will be in 4 short months. just 4 months and my day-to-day life will become something entirely new. i'll be a professional, holding a doctorate degree, a real solid person in the world - no longer an ephemeral academic. i'm not good with change. at one time in my life massive changes could easily precipitate all-out panic attacks. this was back before i learned that i could control my panic attacks. or at least have the illusion of controlling them (without medication, thank you very much). i've been so immersed - so totally and completely submerged in my education that i don't know what i'm going to do when school ends. my education will never end, i hope to continue learning till the day i die. but my formal education - at the hands of professors - more than likely ends in may.

what am i going to do? i've decided that i'm going to explore the things i've wanted to do for a long time, but i've kept putting them off because vet school has been so all-consuming. in undergrad - for those of you who don't know this about me - i rode on the equestrian team (i rode english - equitation and jumping). in my spare time, i jaunted around large pastures on a friend's horses. very occasionally, i went foxhunting. now, i can't clearly remember the last time i rode. i sold my beautiful saddle ages ago - why let it gather dust in the closet?

i used to read voraciously. i still read - but not nearly as much now as i once did (my overfull bookcase points to this truth). i love music and going to shows. i've managed to attend concerts sporadically - but due to the drive involved with many, i see far fewer than i would like. (although i got to see the avett brothers again last night and DAMN are they amazing live).

i've always wanted to learn to ballroom dance. my grandparents were professional ballroom dancers, long before i was born. i've also always wanted to learn to play an instrument - the piano or violin. i've decided i will pursue one or both of those things post-graduation.

this smacks of a new years resolution post - but it isn't. this is a post-vet school graduation resolution. i'm going to stop wishing i'd done those things and do them. after all, time grows ever shorter, eh? also on the list: have a family of 2-4 children, finish reading all the "to-read" books on my shelves, own an off the track thoroughbred to take more riding lessons with, spend more time with my other family members and husband.

i'm so ready to have a real life.