Friday, September 14, 2007

andrew bird, half nelson, metronomes.

andrew bird, in concert, last monday. eclectic. electric.

half nelson, DVD, tonight. excellent.

doctors, metronomes, forever. elegaic.

i dreamt last night that i was disemboweled. in the dream, it was night. a blue, eerie half-light suffused everything. my jejunum and part of my large intestine were exposed. i needed help but was embarrassed, so i kept hiding them under my shirt. i would show them to selected people, but only because i was terrified that i couldn't find someone to fix me. i went to a hospital but was informed that it would be at least an hour before a doctor could treat me. i kept noticing that my intestine seemed to be tearing (although it looked like my pancreas).

i know it sounds funny, but it was exquisitely solitary. i felt so alone and frightened. at one point, i was in stands - at a football field. and there were people everywhere, but i felt so scared and alone. i was trying to avoid everyone and still find help.

trying to explain the intensity of feeling associated with dreams and nightmares to someone else is utterly impossible. it was the most profound feeling of loss - the loss of self (apparently via my jejunum), the loss of other people, the impending loss of life.

i awoke and laid in the darkness, afraid. i'm not sure of what. just afraid.

necropsy is seriously f*cking with my brain.

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