why all the lemons?

you know those people that take lemons and make lemonade? yeah. i'm not one of them. i just take all the lemons and yell 'wtf?! why do i have all the lemons?' it's an attitude adjustment that i'm sorely in need of.

in case you can't tell, this is another exciting post about the neuro ward today. thankfully - if nothing else - we got out of there at 4pm. good - plenty of time for me to come home and conk out for a 2.5 hour nap.

last night, my intent was to come home and study for urinary - as we have an exam covering a great deal of material next wednesday. yeah. well. at 8:30, i fell asleep in the living room chair. at 11pm, i moved to my bed. very productive evening. the result of that was being groggy and tired all day. the more sleep i get, the worse off i am - apparently.

neuro was very unthrilling today. i got to assist with a few appointments. no surgeries. at least, none that i got to see. we had to be there at 7:15, too - which meant i got up at the unholy hour of 6:15. ah well - good practice for 4th year. the highlight of my day was definitely NOT monitoring a ventilator patient for 3 hours. there is a dog in the ward with coonhound paralysis. this is caused by a raccoon bite. apparently, there is some unknown toxin in raccoon saliva that - once inoculated into an animal - will cause an extremely toxic reaction. it's an ascending paralysis that starts with the back legs and moves up the rest of the body. the eventual outcome is a totally paralyzed dog that cannot even breathe on its own. the dog, if given ventilation and support, will recover within about a week. BUT this requires keeping the dog on a ventilator - anesthetized - in the ICU for at least a week. the cost is about $500-$700/day. the dog has already been with us since sunday. furthermore, two attempts to wean the dog off the respirator have been unsuccessful. so, i got to sit and watch the fancy machines beep for 3 hours. i volunteered, because the poor 4th year student on duty has been doing it since monday for 12-20 hour stretches. not a job i'd want!

no exciting neuroses to talk about today. i'm trying to suppress my feelings of loneliness and alientation from my classmates. mainly because i realize that it's a waste of time to feel bad about those things. i don't need anything from school except an education, good grades, and some references. i have everything else i need in my life. but there is the nagging, falsely important drive to fit in with everyone. and i'm not going to - i never have. i will never be like everyone else. i should have learned that when i was young. but apparently i didn't. i also should have learned when i was young that sticks and stones may break bones - but names can never hurt you. or was that just a lie the 'ole parents told you to make you feel better?

i wish i had more exciting things to post from school. a friend of mine is in exotics this week - and she's going to the zoo tomorrow to work with the large felids (lions, tigers, bears oh my! - except no bears!) - so she's having a fun week. i'm in exotics on the next rotation (spring semester) - so i'm looking forward to that!

night:)