Wednesday, June 22, 2005

no time to blog

hello all. sorry to disappoint my loyal fans. people have questioned where i've gone. those of you who know me know that i just moved. i don't even have an internet connection (per se) yet. we have one via rhi's computer but not on our own.

so, we've moved in with my sister in law. she has a large house (3 bedroom, 3 bath on about 3/4th of an acre) in a nice area directly across the river from the vet school. her mortgage is less than our rent - so we're splitting that and saving a ton of money. it's nice. now i can shop guilt (almost) free. i've become shallow and self-absorbed as the summer has progressed. my research is going very slowly. there are 2-3 day gaps between actually doing anything, so i have a lot of spare time on my hands. most good people would volunteer or enjoy their hobby or take up a new one or something. not me. i just shop, lie about, etc. okay, that's a bit harsh. i have been cooking dinner and unpacking. but still. i'm being far too lazy for even myself. and materialistic. i love shopping now though. i have found joy in the material world. i never was much of a materialist. i never owned or drooled over fancy cars or nice clothes or expensive perfumes or makeups. i was always myself and happy with what i had. now, i just want to buy buy buy. i don't know why or what started it, although i think it has something to do with my unhealthy obsession with sex and the city. i am becoming too shallow. but dressing nicely and looking pretty is so much fun! and being 3.5 inches taller is fun too. i don't feel like such a midget (i've taken to wearing heels everywhere i go). i bought a pair of heels a couple of days ago that are 3.5 inches. they go great with my new capri pants. and jewelry! i love jewelry now, too. did i mention that my shoe collection is up to 30 pairs? IN MY DEFENSE...i bargain shop at consignment shops, TJ Maxx, and planet xchange (used but trendy clothing store) and find ridiculous bargains. i'm not spending nearly as much money as i make it sound.

i tell jim it's a passing phase, because i'm idle too much right now, and i need something to focus on. i think it's definitely true. once work ratchets up (IF it ever does), i'll get back to more basic, educational things. right now, i'm enjoying giving my brain a thorough rest. but i think it's too thorough of a rest. i've discovered that having nice things only makes you want MORE nice things - and once you start - it's hard to stop. something about a slippery slope? i used to spend my money on my birds and toys for them and other mundane things. now i want to spend money on myself. i'm going to stop now though. i swear it. i have realized something profound that i think my parents did really really well when raising me. they never raised me to believe that material possessions were very important. they raised me to love my family and friends and to be happy with what i had - because it was far more than many people had. i don't know if it was deliberate on the part of my parents (due to the fact that money was ALWAYS an issue) or not - but regardless, i grew up happy with what i had. i was grateful for my first car, which cost about $500 (a pontiac phoenix almost as old as i) and my second car (a beat up 83 honda that blew out blue smoke). i even stumbled across a note from high school that i wrote a friend (and must have never delivered) that was expressing my delight and excitement for a car that was a piece of total junk. and i mean total:) but it got me from a to b in a relatively safe manner and that made me happy.

i was never - and most of my family can attest to this fact - concerned with pretty things. i grew up loving to read and looking forward to family vacations. those things have made me a better person in the world. and i'm grateful for that. i don't think there is anything wrong with wanting nice things - but when it becomes consuming - when not having the nice things you want becomes upsetting and disappointing - then i think it's a problem. and if i don't curb my shopping habit, then i might start having that problem. i don't blame it on sex and the city - because i believe we are individuals with the will to make choices in life. but i do believe the idleness of my mind has let sneak in some shallow wants and desires. i realize why everyone wants to blame TV, violent video games, and pornography for the world's evils. weak minds are susceptible...easily confused and twisted. i've watched too much sex and the city and come to think that having pretty, nice things and being attractive physically equate with happiness. the only reason i know this doesn't work is because i'm smart enough to realize when something is going on subconsciously (usually haha)... i believe that some people aren't aware enough to realize that what they put in their brain will come out in one way or another. all that said, i have to defend my libertarian ideas - i believe pornography is fine, i believe violent video games are fine, and i don't think those things should be censored or taken away. control by censorship is not the way to 'fix' society and its evils. the cure for evil must come from within an individual. from a conscious decision. (though i realize that those in my family that are christian will heartily disagree and state that there is no salvation without is my nod to the inevitable comments).

so, those were my deep thoughts for the day. i turn 26 on friday, and i just keep getting smarter. ha. ha. ha.

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