That is the perfect word to describe compassion fatigue and burn-out. They creep up on you, and you never realize that you are suffering from them until someone else points it out to you. Then, it's as if a light bulb has suddenly illuminated. All of your recent unhappiness becomes clear.
I have been very unhappy at work the past several months. We have been slow at work, dreadfully slow. Euthanasias for financial reasons seem to be on the rise. More and more clients complain of cost, price-gouging, money-grubbing. Animals I could save are euthanized due to owners' inability to pay.
One day, you stop and realize that you've been working in an ER environment for almost 3 years. It's tiring, it's disheartening, and it just builds and builds. You realize your attitude has been terrible over the past several months (and yes, I'm sure pregnancy hormones play a part). You look at your technicians and fellow doctors and realize that your unhappiness is completely apparent to everyone around you.
Then someone says the words "boredom" and "burnout" - and that light bulb flickers on.
Veterinary work is hard - GP, ER, specialty practice. It doesn't matter. It's all challenging and emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting. What I have to realize is that I can't carry it all around with me. I can't let the cases I could've fixed but euthanized instead eat at me. I have to accept that my job sometimes is to end suffering and that's ok. I need to go to work, do the best I can do, maintain a positive attitude, and leave knowing that every day, I do the absolute best I can. Otherwise, in 2 years, I'll be working as a librarian in a small town.
The High Cost Of Becoming A Vet
7 years ago
4 comments:
*hugs* You are a good person. Take care of yourself, or else you won't be able to care for anyone else.
I went to a talk on it not long ago - it is a little like hospice care - even if you lose ALL your patients, you are making the journey bearable and they deserve your best effort, even if you do euthanise, it is quick and painless and better than long suffering.
I have written about this issue before...
http://fourpawsandwhiskers.blogspot.com/2009/07/animal-euthanasia-and-human-emotional.html
and also, the impact it can have on vets...
http://fourpawsandwhiskers.blogspot.com/2010/04/new-research-on-veterinary-suicide-rate.html
If it helps at all, I find that a lot of people go through waves of these feelings in a variety of jobs. I have these occur once every couple of years. It usually takes me awhile to recognize it, and typically lasts between 6 weeks and 3 months. It is not that you want a different job, it is just that you are tired and unmotivated and it feels like it is all the same all the time. And the stress is constant and wearing. Is not fun to go through when they happen. But, the good news - the clouds pass and you suddenly find yourself energized again - not really knowing why the doldrums came and then went.
Sometimes I wonder if it is tied to the major change between being a student and being out in the world. When a student, everything changes every 3-4 months. You have new classes, or summer break, new teachers, meeting new people. Then you get out in the working world and you suddenly realize you have been walking into the same building for years. There is no long summer break anymore where you get to be in a different environment. The coming and going of colleagues and bosses change at a much slower pace - if at all. And while different cases (or projects) have their own challenges, by and large the work you are doing is "the same". There is not going to be the level of change you were so used to and now miss.
The more you care, the faster you burn out if you can't disconnect somewhat when you're not at work. Shitty vets last forever because they just don't give a damn. You're a star in what you do and your compassion comes through in every post. Maybe take some time when the parrotlet arrives, decompress, and focus on YOU. You can only do the best you can, and accept that as a sad but unfortunate truth. And with every animal you have saved, you have been its *savior*. That is nothing to sneeze at! {{{{{}}}}}
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