this is where it hurts.

if our hospital were the land of oz, and my internmates the group that went in search of it, i would undoubtedly be cast as the tinman. in need of a heart. this isn't strictly true, i have a huge heart. on the other hand, i am extremely pragmatic about the way the world works, and sometimes others mistake this for not caring. i think those of you who read my blog would know that's not true.

the last 2 nights, my heart has been a major stumbling block - not allowing me to do my job effectively. i saw 2 cases this evening - and i had to euthanize them both. and it killed me to do so.

in the 2nd case, the dog was suffering from likely either rat poisoning or severe heartworm disease/caval syndrome. it was difficult to tell which. the owners had no money at all, and they didn't qualify for care credit. they asked me if the dog would live till the morning to see their veterinarian. and i conceded that it might. on the other hand - to what end? to see their vet with the same terrible disease process and no funds on hand? the end result is the same.

still, as i looked into those sweet, expressive brown eyes and injected the fatal pink solution, i felt a little less human.