Wednesday, September 17, 2008

not alone after all

i just spent an hour and a half talking to my best friend from vet school. she is doing a hardcore internship at a very well-known, very large, very challenging private emergency and referral hospital up north. from what i understand, it's a very coveted position.

we spent an hour talking about our similar frustrations. we're both terribly lonely. neither one of us has found an intern-mate with which we totally click. we're away from our families (although i'm much closer to mine than she is to hers) and the close friends that keep us sane (namely each other). she describes the same feelings of apathy about getting out and doing anything with her off days. and she's in new york city - for god's sake! it makes me feel better. i've been off for the past 2 days - and what have i done? slept a great deal. gone to the grocery store so that i'd stop eating greasy fast food. played guitar hero and mastered a couple of songs on expert level. watched 'the matrix', played on the internetm, printed out and read some articles from VIN on IMHA, DIC, lymphoma, and hemangiosarcoma.

the husband is gone for 3 days - staying with his brother and wife and teaching. so i'm here. alone. lonely. ever since he's started back teaching - he's gone either 3 days and 2 nights or 2 full days (sometimes he drives home on the off day - wednesday) - but mostly he stays in our hometown.

work has gotten better at least. so i can't totally blame my apathy and reluctance to leave the house on depression stemming from my work situation. i continue to educate myself by reading, and i'm happy with the job i'm doing. my marital situation has improved some. not vastly - but things are better.

i'm just...apathetic. that's the only word i can think to describe it.

maybe it'll pass soon and i'll be motivated again to have a life outside of the confines of my house. or maybe i'm just a homebody and i should embrace it. but i do feel like i wasted 2 beautiful days. the weather has been idyllic - blue skys, balmy 75 degree temperatures. i should have gotten out and done something.

friday night, we're heading back to the hometown to stay with jim's brother (and my best friend, his wife). we're having poker night (texas hold 'em) and then football saturday. i just hope it's not as scorching as last saturday's game. i really could do without the knee and sandal burn i acquired.

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