here i am again

studying for a test. as per usual. it's a urinary exam this time, my 2nd test of 3 (the final being...well - the final). today was pretty mellow at school - only 2 lectures - and a lab. i'm feeling pretty good in general. we found a place to live, once school gets out. our previous landlord just bought a new house for a rental property - and it's about as perfect as you can get (for us). it's 2 bedrooms with a real dining room/breakfast nook. it also has a 'spare' room that's too oddly shaped to be a bedroom - but is perfect for bird cages. it has hardwood floors and plenty of space. only one bathroom, but i couldn't care less at this point. it's reasonably priced - and it's near enough to school. it's fairly close to rhiannon too (about a 5 min drive). it's also RIGHT NEXT to the farmer's market - so no more kroger for birdie veggies. i'm thrilled that the weight of finding a place to live that would accept all of our pets has so unexpectedly and expediantly been taken care of. it's more of a relief than even i realized it would be.

in other news...i can't believe how fast this semester has flown by. we only have 9 more days of class - and then finals are upon us. kind of a scary thought. but i'm cavalier right now. my grades are good - i've been able to relax a little lately - because i've worked so diligently throughout the semester. and i'm just generally in a good mood. my social neuroses seem to be calming themselves. i am realizing anew the value of my family and the friends i already have. i can get along with people at school - hang out with them and enjoy their company. but it doesn't have to extend beyond that. i don't feel so socially obvious, i guess. it's weird - i know. but i'm realizing that i enjoy my own company and that of my family and old friends. i think i expect too much - loads of friends and constant social activity. when i step back - i realize it's because i have a driving need to be accepted and fit in, not because i feel any personal lack of companionship and love in my life. i think i always felt like a misfit in high school - and to some extent - undergrad. and that feeling has carried over and created a need to feel liked by everyone i know. but in the end, is that really all that important?

in sad news, we won't be congregating at granny russells this year for thanksgiving. i had just finished telling my friends today about the amazing food and family togetherness that always goes on at the russells - and how much i was looking forward to it. but granny is getting older and the strain of feeding and entertaining 20 or 30 people has finally become too much. it makes me sad because i realize that all things - no matter how good and important - must come to an end. it makes me sad for jim, and it makes me sad for the day when it happens in my family too. it also makes me want to cherish the time and family i have all the more. we will still be gathering -but at a buffet instead of granny's house. time does pass too rapidly.

life is good.