final standing

the results are in:

multispecies med : A
repro: A
behavior: A
ultrasound : A
radiology: B+
resp: B
cardiology : B

i'm happy with that, i must say...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

it's over. another semester of hell. and when i say hell, for once - i actually mean it. besides school, i had to deal with all of my emotional stuff that was unrelated to school. it was a hard, hard semester. i know - wah. feel sorry for me.

my final grades aren't all reported. i don't know (for sure) what i made in respiratory and behavior, everything else is what i thought it would be - 3As, 1B+, 1B. i'm fairly sure i made a B in respiratory. behavior -- who knows? i had a 90 average. i'm not sure how i did on the final, so i can't say if i went up or down (or stayed the same). but - despite the emotional turmoil in my life - i managed to maintain good grades. i have to say i'm glad for that. i was worried there for a while.

yesterday was exhausting. i had to fly to memphis to meet my brother and ride back to knoxville with him the same night. it was a spur of the moment trip, and i was very tired. then i went christmas shopping today. considering that i have 4 siblings and jim has 4 siblings, we spent a ton of money. even with a relatively small budget, we spent too much. i think i've lost the christmas spirit, it's way more stressful than it should be.

i guess that's all to report here. i'm sure i have something interesting to say, but i can't think of anything. we're leaving for new york city in a mere 9 days. and we'll be in greeneville come wednesday. it's exhausting to think about. when i come back home (jan 1st), i'll have a few short (9) days before school starts back - and then - nothing for another year. after spring semester, we go straight into clinics and work for the next year, as fake doctors. i can't believe it's so close. such a scary thought. i'm that close to being done...that close...! and i am so ready for it.

i've decided (at this moment) that i'm going to skip the whole internship and residency thing. i'm going straight into private practice. i'm tired of being broke, of always worrying about how we're going to make ends meet come december and january. if i do a residency/internship route, we'll have ANOTHER 4 years of never having any money or stability. i'm ready for a real life, a life that includes decent furniture, cars that don't tear up every month or so, children and motherhood, and a 9-5 (or thereabouts) job. i'm so ready for children! jim and i have been together for almost 11 years now -- married for 7.5 years. i'm ready for a family!!!

ok, phew. glad to have that off the old shoulders. i must go and recover from the exhaustion of mindless consumerism.

haven't blogged in 8 days. or is it 3?

see, i thought today was december 8th. i don't know why. time has somehow side-slipped me. AGAIN. finding out it was the 12th was quite a shock. yes, it's finals week. i have finished my radiology exam (friday), respiratory exam (monday), and reproductive medicine (today). the 3 Rs. i have two more to go- exotics in 8.5 hours and behavior on thursday. and then it's over. cardio was a couple of weeks ago, ultrasound didn't have a final. woohoo.

i've had a great deal of personal drama and emotional upset in the past few days. i'll only hint at why here. nope, i won't even do that. it's so strange to keep a blog. there's a whole part of my life in the past 6 months that i have said virtually nothing about here - in the place where i'll pour out most anything. mainly because it's deeply, deeply personal, something not appropriate to a published public forum. not even MY forum. and people thought i would spill everything on my blog, eh? suffice to say that the day before my radiology exam, i drank 5 cups of dark roast coffee, BLACK. i'd never had more than a sip of coffee prior to that. it was an interesting experience up until the point i started to jitter all over the place and slur my speech.

my car mysteriously died and refused to restart on the way to my final exam this morning. always a good way to start a long day of studying and test taking. i've spent the last 5 days or so in the library until midnight. i take a final, finish around 11am, take a break till about noon, then hole up there until midnight. but my cut off for studying has been midnight this semester. i made myself a promise. so far, i've adhered to it admirably. it was a struggle to spell admirably just then.

i think it's time for beddie-bye.

MISSING

LOST: motivation - wearing a collar marked PROPERTY OF UTCVM VET SCHOOL, quite large and annoying, shaped vaguely like a small, 5 "2 girl. might be wearing really high heels that are ridiculously inappropriate for veterinary work. might be hiding under or in something dark and quiet and secret. if found, there is a reward, please phone me at 800-FAIL-OUT.

haha.

no seriously, finals loom next week. actually, not even next week. we have radiology on friday. and my motivation is negative. how can you have negative motivation? wouldn't that imply unstudying deliberately? like trying to forget stuff you've learned? or spending so much time doing other stuff that you go backwards in knowledge??

my grades are good right now. not great, but good. i haven't worked nearly as hard as i could have this semester, and i've tried to take time out/off and have a life. it's been successful and my grades don't seem to have suffered too much - though i did do better last semester. as it stands, in no particular order:

Radiology B+ (89 actually)
Respiratory B
Repro A
Exotics A
Ultrasound A
Behavior B
Cardiology B (? - they won't return are ALREADY over 2 weeks ago final until all finals are finished for whatever idiotic reason)

the truly interesting thing about vet school is that i seem to be learning less and less and remembering less and less. today, i likened my brain to an attic (or my grandparents garage, take your pick). you can keep cramming stuff in there, but eventually - there's not room for anything else. and then you have to start throwing stuff out if you want anything else to go in. and it's not even like my brain allows me to CHOOSE what i throw out. i subconsciously pitch stuff.

that memory of how simply calcium homeostasis works in the body?? totally useless -- OUT!!
the memory of my first and only pony, prince -- ah screw it, he was a bastard of a pony anyway - OUT!!
my wedding day -- oh god, who needs that stress?? OUT!!
my password for my bank account -- i can always sell myself on the streets (will neuter cats for food) -- OUT!!!

everybody, everything out.

seriously, i need help.