Tonight, I had to work again. Tired and sorely missing my family time, I dragged myself to work. And of course, of course, of course, I would be faced with a patient of mine from this past weekend suffering a severe postoperative complication that may or may not be my fault. It lead to the pet's death this evening. Only a professional necropsy (done tomorrow) will tell if I am to blame.
On top of that soul crushing occurrence, I am dealing with ridiculous, needless technician drama that is making me crazy. I've barely seen my daughter in a week. I've barely had more than 10 words with my husband. He is basically solo parenting for all intents and purposes right now - other than breastfeeding duty, which obviously still falls to me.
This feels like the hardest job in the world, and right now, I hate it.
3 comments:
It's funny how profoundly I resent work obligations that take up extra (unscheduled) time, when I could be spending it with H instead. Before he was born, I wasn't crazy about 18 hour days because I was tired and hungry at the end. No big deal. I knew that sometimes I would expect to leave the hospital at 8, and actually leave at midnight, and that was just an occupational hazard. But NOW?!? If I expect to get some time with H, and things keep popping up that delay my getting home, I am NOT HAPPY. The only time in recent memory that I've cried was a night when I was all set to leave the hospital at 7, meaning I'd see him before he went to sleep, and then one thing led to another, and it was after 10 when I finally left. I was so frustrated that I actually cried! Long hours are more than just long hours when they're keeping you away from your baby. :(
I hope next week is better for you!
Hang in there! I feel more demoralized when my blood sugar is low, so my advice is to treat yourself to an ice cream sandwich--if only for my sake. :)
On the note of juggling multiple intense patients...how many patients do you feel you can simulataneously handle [safely!], i.e. people are reporting results and asking for direction on different patients all at the same time (so this doesn't include those stable cases that are just resting and don't really need much attention)? Does my question even make sense? :)
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