Look people, I don't care WHAT you do in your spare time...

I was sleeping quite soundly at work the other night. We've been DEAD DEAD DEAD. Dead as in NO patients in the hospital, for the last few nights, so I've been able to sleep. At 6:30am, a knock came on the door as my technician alerted me that we had a patient.

Said patient was a 2 year old dachshund. The owner thought she was having back trouble - which is a common condition in long-backed dogs.

When I first saw her, a back condition was not my biggest concern. She was exhibiting multi-focal neurological signs. This means that she had signs that pointed to different areas of the nervous system. She was ataxic (swaying when she walked), disoriented, knuckling in all 4 feet, her head was tremoring/bobbing, and she had very dilated pupils. Her temperature was 103.8.

I went to talk with her owner, a young, tattoed guy. I asked the standard questions: onset of signs, first thing you noticed, appetite, urination, defecation, other pets in the house, anything she could have gotten into, any medications in the house? His history didn't give me any clues, so back I went to stare at my patient. She looked very very sick. I pondered diffentials for multi-focal neuro disease - encephalitis? necrotizing meningoencephalitis? granulomatous meningoencephalitis? As I pondered, I idly repeated my physical exam to see if I'd missed anything. When I rolled up her eyelid, I was AMAZED at how red both of her eyes were...red like a person who had just smoked a big fat joint...

Back I went to the owner. "Do you or your wife smoke pot?" I asked in an innocent voice. The guy looked at me, smiled sheepishly, and gave me a thumbs up.

The urine drug test was positive for THC. Only after that did the owner tell me that his wife found a bud on the floor...

A bolus of fluids later, a heavy sedative, and our patient was rolling over on her back with all four legs in the air, finally able to relax. We were tempted to prop a bag of Doritos up next to her to complete the picture, but we didn't (this time).

Look folks, I don't care in the slightest if you smoke pot. A great majority of the world does. If you smoke pot, and your dog starts acting "oddly" at 6:30 in the morning, and you bring her to the ER - just save me the time, hysterics, and your money when I'm running bloodwork, and TELL ME. That way, I can give your dog a bag of Doritos and call it a night instead of going into mental hysterics over encephalitis.

Thanks!