Monday, March 24, 2008

pity party - table for 1 please

a hiatus of almost a week. that's how tired i was after medicine. on average, 14 hour days. good friday - despite being a school holiday - i was scheduled to work 8-4pm ICU duty. mercifully, ICU was near empty. i left around 10am. i came home and slept for many, many, many hours (past-dark).

saturday morning was leisurely. i got up early to surprise my husband with a special breakfast. i've been so involved in school and gone so many hours that we've barely seen each other. so i snuck out of the house to buy fresh pineapple and pears, omelet makings, and bacon. i have to say my green pepper, tomato, onion, cheese, and spinach omelet was pretty damned good. afterwards, we took an impromptu drive for 2 hours up to our soon-to-be new home. the day was spent driving around downtown and the surrounding areas looking at neighborhoods and getting a feel for the housing market. i'm falling in love with my future home but feeling more and more anxious about the huge change that's coming. i didn't realize how anxious until the husband pointed out that i was chewing my nails somewhat obsessively while driving. i've never lived in a town where i knew no one - was related to no one. in florida, my grandparents/aunts/uncles were all in the same city. granted, when we first moved here - way back when - i knew no one in this town - but the parents were only an hour and a half away.
change scares me. especially big change. and despite loving veterinary medicine and studying constantly and diligently on my own and spending time at school studying and listening to my clinicians - i realized acutely (during medicine and some already on oncology) how little i know, how limited my experience is, and how VERY much i have to learn. i have this nervous, tingling sensation in my legs frequently when i think about really starting my "adult" life. it's like restless legs syndrome. i want to get up and stalk around the house in an effort to rid myself of this nebulous anxiety/fear.

sunday was spent with the entire family (for once). mom made an excellent ham and turkey dinner. i - however - have finally succumbed to the upper respiratory/head cold that's viciously circulating throughout the vet school. that coupled with the onslaught of my period made me mostly whiny, useless, and pathetic yesterday (and today). not so much that i couldn't enjoy the good food though.

day 1 of oncology (today) was merciless. my group of diseases and the "normal" "natural" feminine processes coupled to almost incapacitate me this morning. there are only 2 of us on the service, myself and a classmate. had that not been the case, i would have called in sick and stayed under the covers, alternately weeping and threatening to break things. we saw 18 or so appointments today. it was a tad overwhelming. at one point, i was so hot and crampy that i actually thought i might faint.

on the way home, i stopped at walgreens and spent $80 on flu/cold medicine, midol, ibuprofen, white grape juice with Vit C, and those stick on heating pads that you wear under your clothes for muscle pain. since i got home, i've been lying on the couch with my heating pad, my dibartola (fluids, electrolytes, and acid-base disorders), and my self-pity trying to remember how calcium homeostasis works.

i'd say tomorrow will be better, but given that we work emergency until 11pm, i HIGHLY doubt it. **sigh** 41 days to go.

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