Wednesday, October 4, 2006

i'm starting to panic

some of you know about the intense emotional turmoil in my life this past summer, and some of you don't. regardless of whether or not you know about it, i had a very hard summer. it has translated into a very hard year. i'm trying to stay positive. ok. that's a total lie. right now, i'm just trying to get through the days one at a time. but i've been pretty down all semester, and it's making it very hard for me to study. normally, i'm a very dedicated student. i try to keep up with my classes, and i work pretty hard. i'm not (in school) a procrastinator, and i take pride in my work ethic (if not much else). but this semester, i just can't find the willpower to really apply myself. perhaps it's not merely my internal emotional upset, but also simple burn-outed-ness. expected, at this point in the curriculum. however, our classes are very difficult this semester - respiratory, radiology, and cardiology - not to mention all the others. due to my unfailingly constant depression, i've skipped a lot of class. and not to utilize my time better -but to sleep. my grades have reflected this a bit, i think. i made low Bs on both of my first big tests. i know, i know - complaining about Bs - but still. i can do better. and i'm afraid those grades are about to really start slipping, since it's now to the point where i'm studying test to test,

and now, i'm starting to be very worried about the rest of the semester. in typical vet school fashion, the schedule is unrelenting. we have a test in respiratory 1 week from tomorrow. it covers about 150 pages of notes. i skipped a vast majority of the classes, and thus - have no idea what's going on half the time (when i'm present). it's 1 am now, and i didn't get thru all the material i needed to for my test on thursday (multispecies med). and i have a radiology quiz on friday. i haven't even GLANCED at that material yet. it's bound to be about 75 pages.

the stress, coupled with my already very low mental state, is about all i can handle.

i wish i had something else to talk about. but i don't.

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